Owning Nothingness

Gautam announced

Today is the best day of his life!

Everyone was surprised, happily

But strangely no one noticed it

They tried to find it on him

In him,

The happiness

In fact he is never happy

He is also never sad

I guess that is not really normal

He is so ‘in between’,

Sadness and happiness

I don’t know what state is that

But it seems it works for him

To be in that ‘in between’ state

But how does it matter to Gautam                       

Or to anyone else for that matter

Is it not a good thing to be happy?

And is it bad to be sad?

But if you are sad and you can find ‘why’

Then you have the reason

And you can work on it

To remove the problems making you sad

That is a good approach

Very practical

Very normal

Everyone should try to improve their lives

And other’s

But… what if nothing is wrong?

That, I guess is a very impractical idea

No one has that kind of life

No one can get it

Anyone who is alive has problems

So if Gautam is in that ‘in between’ state

How does he benefit?

Everyone knows he had his share of troubles

Perhaps much bigger than many of us

His family

Parents, wife

His kingdom

The wars

His search for knowledge

Search for the truth

He is not trying to reclaim his glorious past

He is comfortable with what he has lost

And with what he has today

And also with the thought

That tomorrow there may be nothing

Out of all the nothingness that he owns today

(24 June, 2013)

Excape to Death

He didn’t hear the phone ring. Perhaps he was dreaming. So, he thought. On the other end a rough and strong hand held the line for full three minutes until the ring turned to beep. It was timed out, indicating no response. He stirred a bit and picked up the phone, few moments too late. He also heard the beep. He wondered how come ringing turned into a beep. He decided to be ready next time. He turned towards the phone, dragged his right leg near his chest and felt comfortable. He fell asleep again. Soon he developed a frown. His eyes trying to shut tighter as if someone wanted to force them open.

“No, I don’t want to see it. Don’t show me her picture. I have no idea what you are talking about.”

The room was dark. The woman was lying on the floor. She was shackled. The chains were secured tied to the walls behind her. She had long given up her struggle to fight. She just lay lifeless with open eyes. She looked at everyone and everything without any emotion. No hatred, no fear, nothing. She knew she was alive. Thats all she knew. She had no idea when will she see the sun or the moon or when will she find herself under the sky, in the open and breath normal air. She does not know how long has she been there. She vaguely knows the reason for which she was brought there. She knew it initially of course, but now after weeks or months of torture she has lost the clarity. Men around her speak loudly with questions in their voice. But she doesn’t know what are they asking for. She can’t get the words. It is impossible for her to help them if she doesn’t know what is being said and it was equally impossible for the men to let her go without knowing what she was hiding.

They prepared to leave. A lump of rice was thrown in front of her on the floor and then they left. She heard the familiar clanking sounds of strong metal doors shutting. She used to scream aloud when she was just brought here. She felt that perhaps someone outside on the road will be able to hear her; but she was wrong. Perhaps the doors were made with a purpose or this place was far away into the wilderness. She remembered being blind folded. She looked at the yellowish rice lump and closed her eyes. May be she should try to die by not eating. But then she will have to hide the food somewhere. There was no place where it could be hidden. It was a large hall and everything was visible. Being alone too was playing on her nerves. She had started shivering, she didn’t know why. Was it weakness, frayed nerves or was it cold. She would feel cold on the floor at nights.

From where was the fresh air coming in? There was a faint glow of light on her extreme right. May be there is a window there. If that opening was not there it would been better. I would have died long back, she thought. That light and air through that hole has been giving her a false hope for so long.

She wished there was no light, no air, no food. If there were only those faceless men beating her, throwing cold water on her, pulling her hair… She would have escaped to death long back.