‘Waiting’, the art of procrastination

It has been quite long that

I did something,

Something worthwhile

To talk about

If not to brag… about

Something useful to me

Or anyone

To write a new exciting blog post

To come up with a unique new painting

To read a serious science article

Or a spiritual one or one on health or finance

I am not interested in new friends

At least not from around here

May be in another city or perhaps from a village

People who are not like me

These guys are all like dated boring flop movies

All scratchy, dramatic and staccato

They are far from exciting, in tune

Bright or witty

After meeting with such a friend is over

I do not feel richer…

With a new idea, a new word or thought

I am not interested in friends,

Who are helpful or kind or plain amazing people

Concept of a helpful friend is boring

People who make friends because

One can depend on them in need

Is a very selfish idea

I want friends who are bright,

Spread knowledge and cheer

There are number of people

Who offer never ending flow of advice

And are ever ready to correct me

Improvement me, make me like them…

So very kind of them

But I feel none of these are qualified to improve me

But it would be politically incorrect

To not feel indebted for their genuine concern about me

Their belief that without their help

I might be left behind

I wouldn’t be known

Will not succeed

And will remain in the background for ever…

So I have decided to act on this urgently

There is hardly any time

Procrastination is a terrible activity

Or shall we say absence of any activity?

But waiting for things to happen isn’t

So without any delay I have decided to start ‘waiting’

Gautam again

After quite long, Gautam had gone to the garden for  a walk. He has been keeping busy with some or the other job. Also it had been raining. So regular walks have been pretty irregular. No it was not a relaxation, spiritual or look at the flowers walk, but ‘work-out’ one. He needed to exercise. Monsoon always makes him a bit flabby. It was natural. What can anyone do if it is raining. He possibly can’t get wet every now and then, just because he needs to go out.

He listened to the musical composition provided by melodies of various birds with support of rustling tree leafs. A soft wave of breeze found him and wrapped around him. The trees shed a layer of yellow leaves. Many of them fell on Gautam. He felt indebted and honored, as he thanked both the tree and the breeze for this beautiful gesture.

He turned a few pages back of his life. How his inner self felt a few month back; not going as far back as even a year. He was satisfied with the changes he noted. He noticed it even more when he realized that he did not get excited when he found things are getting better inside him.

He was becoming more centered.

Unexcitable.

With no visible happiness.

Only quietness.

9 Sep, 2014

Owning Nothingness

Gautam announced

Today is the best day of his life!

Everyone was surprised, happily

But strangely no one noticed it

They tried to find it on him

In him,

The happiness

In fact he is never happy

He is also never sad

I guess that is not really normal

He is so ‘in between’,

Sadness and happiness

I don’t know what state is that

But it seems it works for him

To be in that ‘in between’ state

But how does it matter to Gautam                       

Or to anyone else for that matter

Is it not a good thing to be happy?

And is it bad to be sad?

But if you are sad and you can find ‘why’

Then you have the reason

And you can work on it

To remove the problems making you sad

That is a good approach

Very practical

Very normal

Everyone should try to improve their lives

And other’s

But… what if nothing is wrong?

That, I guess is a very impractical idea

No one has that kind of life

No one can get it

Anyone who is alive has problems

So if Gautam is in that ‘in between’ state

How does he benefit?

Everyone knows he had his share of troubles

Perhaps much bigger than many of us

His family

Parents, wife

His kingdom

The wars

His search for knowledge

Search for the truth

He is not trying to reclaim his glorious past

He is comfortable with what he has lost

And with what he has today

And also with the thought

That tomorrow there may be nothing

Out of all the nothingness that he owns today

(24 June, 2013)