A little scared, unconfident and unsure
I managed to say,
‘I love you’
You turned away with nothing to say
Making me much more
Scared, unconfident and unsure
Just when I was confident
You bit the corner of your nail
It felt like beginning of a tale
Then you looked at me shyly
And said something rather softly
But confidently…
Till date I curse my heart
For beating so hard
That I couldn’t hear you at all.
No I am not in touch with her
I mean regularly, no
Pensive? Who me? Huh
Well, I don’t tell lies
I do think about her
Sometimes, often
I mean on and off
Like when I am not busy in my work
Or not blogging,
Except may be right now
No, not all the time
Are you crazy or something?
Well she is on my mind
When there is nothing else
On my mind, I mean
You know, what I mean.. I hope
That is ridiculous
How can you say that
I am in love!
With her.. I mean
Just because she is on my mind
Don’t confuse things here, ok
Moreover even if I do love her
It is not what you think
I hope you know,
What I mean
Where were you for so long?
Why weren’t you here
With me
I have been so disturbed
Hurt and depressed
I needed you so bad
Needed you to hold my hand
Hold my face
Look in my eyes
Kiss my forehead
Move your fingers in my hair
I needed your shoulder
To rest my head on
Bury my face between your breasts
Yes, I know
In reality
This is just my imagination
But you could at least let me know…
That you are there.. Somewhere
Or complains with my life
Even though you are not with me
But yes,
Living surely is not as lively
Since you are not with me…
Remember?
When we walked
We just walked
We walked out
With nowhere to go
Nothing to do
Nowhere to reach
Soon we walked back in
We were each other’s destination
Complete, within each other
Now I need to stop often
Looking for a shoulder
To rest a while
To sob on
Or to, just be
As you did on mine
Remember?
Corners of my eyes
Need to be soaked dry
With a palm
Like I did for you
If you remember
Certainly, life still has its own joys
I do find reasons to smile
But I don’t smile for no reason
Since you are not with me
I still remember the question
A question,
Crucial to me
My life depended upon
Your answer to that question
But you turned away
And kept playing with your long hair
Kept looking at your toes…
So,
I waited
For the answer
As my life to flowed
I waited some more
Waited for you to turn towards me
For you to stop biting your nails
Playing with your hair,
I waited for you to stop staring at your toes
And look at me
I desperately waited for your lips to part
And say something…
This eternal wait
Has been, years long
I lived an entire life
In a flash
And still it did not happen
That you would turn towards me
Stop biting your nails
And stop staring at your toes
Now I am not the same
I don’t remember myself
Perhaps this is my new birth
Cycle of life has gone by waiting
For that quiver of your lips
To utter the answer…
Far away under that tree
Covered with a layer of flowers
There seem to be two shadows
Lying quietly side by side
If you notice closely
They are two graves
One, of my question
Another… of your answer
when i am sailing alone
life is drab struggle for survival
if you look at me from the shore
perhaps i can row with some hope
if you join me on my boat
I may need nothing more
if you smiled sitting opposite at me
it’ll become a flight of fantasy
with your hand on my tired shoulders
life will turn into a space without border
but if you pick up the sail and row with me…
umm, sorry; writer’s block
can’t imagine that far!
Arunoday Times 