Clean Slate

Gautam was strolling alone in garden. It had just finished raining. So the ground was wet and breeze was pleasant. As a wave of that pleasant breeze passed, it unsettled the rain droplets settled on leafs. Most fell on the ground but many found their abode on Gautam’s face, shoulders and hair. He enjoyed it. He also said a quiet inner thanks to the creation for providing such an unbelievable lovely magic. Water, coming down from the sky! It made everything on the earth look bright, fresh and revitalized. Trees, grass, plants looked greener and flowers brighter. The air seemed clearer; to look through and to breathe in. It contained no dust. But yes it had the unmistakable smell of water meeting the earth. What do we call it? Yes, petrichor! Birds chirped and bees buzzed around. Another strong wave of breeze passed and a few leaves took off for the last part of their journey. They fell on him like showering of flower petals. He smiled and thanked the creation once again. He felt as though he was being honored by showering of leaves on him by an unknown entity. He felt that someone pre-planned it, that the shower will occur just when he is just under the tree… it had happened earlier too.

Wave of a thought entered in his mind. It was about a person, who had been very fond of him and of course the feelings were reciprocated by him. The thought played around in his mind. Gautam also played with it. Hundreds of related memories covered his mental space with a quick shower. He looked up at the sky. A cloud was passing by. He smiled and allowed the memory to pass by too. His mind was clean once again.

Yet another cloud appeared over him. It was the cloud of the work he did. He remembered the last time he got an untimely call from the office, he was worried. What now? He had wondered. What might have happened? So many worrying thoughts had darkened his mental horizon. Same phenomenon had been happening in current monsoon. A thick cloud cover darkens the horizon; but it hardly rains. He found a simile in it. He had allowed that call to make a darkening thought inside him. When you know the source of a problem, it vanishes and it did.

His mental sheet was spotlessly clear once again. He felt fresh and energetic; not really to break into a run; but into a smile with abandon.

Imaginary us

I finished my arguments silently

She had heard me patiently

Then she looked hard at my face

Lowered her eyes and slowly… turned away

She walked a few steps towards the setting sun

The Sun turned her face red

Was it angry red?

Or hopeless red

She stopped after a few steps

Sun sank a little lower

Her lengthening shadow was crawling towards me

Then as if it waited

Soon sun lowered even more

Her shadow was at my feet now

Gradually it started climbing on me

That made me rather uneasy

I turned away from it

I saw my own shadow going away from me

Her shadow was missing here

It was on me, on myself

That froze me

Soon both shadows started getting weaker

Thankfully

I turned back and saw red rim of sun

I turned again towards my shadow

My shadow was merging in the darkness

Dissolving on the ground

Losing its definition, edges

I waited till it was all dark

My body also had no shadow

I looked to find the rim of the sun

But couldn’t…

Shockingly

The space between me and the sun

… Was blank

The moment…

I was going along

Humming my own song

Smiling at the smiles

Avoiding voids

When I saw…

She did not smile

React or notice

Her blank eyes stayed

Vaguely on a distant horizon

Her long silken hair

Bounced in rhythm

With her sure steps

As the distance melted

I lost focus and fumbled

But I discovered the reason

Entirely on my own

The secret that Mona Lisa’s smile holds

The moment froze…

I failed to notice

How many people

Like ghosts

Crossed the space between us

Without breaking my thought

Without breaking her thought

And.. in the meanwhile

The moment passed…

I kept walking

She kept walking

Till we passed each other

And passed the moment…

We stumbled back to our course

And carried on

Where were going along

Our own paths

Staying on our course

Humming our own my own tune

With me

Thinking,

Thinking of you

Today,

Today also, like yesterday

Like the last week, month or the year

I don’t

No, I don’t remember living a moment

Without you

Without the moments spent with you

I don’t ever,

Ever remember being

Being deprived of your memories

Thoughts or dreams

You are,

You surely are always with me

But only,

The only thought that pricks me

Whether ‘me’ too is with you…

Like you are,

You are with me right now.

Words fail me

I sat down to write…

As her memories

And my anxieties

Had started choking me

I placed on the desk a blank sheet of paper

Picked the pen up and guided it over

Even before I could write a word

My heart jumped out and sat on the paper

But now I was thinking hard

About the words

That will replace my heart

Will express my feelings

Which my heart was screaming

What my life was missing

How I suffered suffocation, irritation,

Worries difficulties botherations

Now it was hurting as my neck remained craned

Words didn’t emerge in my non-functional brain

In despair, I placed the pen in the slot

And shut the inkpot

My eyes were welling up

And tears were rolling down

Traveling my cheeks

And jumping off in the end

Finding the blank paper to land

Forming an unshapely figure

Soon these figures filled entire paper

With a language that couldn’t be read

But my feelings?

My feeling were perfectly expressed

Tears had said it all

All that I couldn’t recall

Alas! Sadly

My words had failed me.

Not me..

I know.. I lost you eons ago

Or we lost each other

We took our own paths

No, in fact it was me.. just me

Who decided to go alone

On my own

It was because.. I had a path

I just left

And vanished without even looking back

I left as though I was dried up

Of emotions, sentiments, friendship

True, there were no promises to keep

No dates to seek

But still, just walking out

Without leaving any message

Address or a phone number

It must have been

So shocking for you

So unbelievable even to think

That I could do that

I could ‘be’ that

But I hope you believed it soon enough

That.. that was ‘not‘ me

It just couldn’t be me

It would be best for me

Not to be ‘me’

For you