The moment…

I was going along

Humming my own song

Smiling at the smiles

Avoiding voids

When I saw…

She did not smile

React or notice

Her blank eyes stayed

Vaguely on a distant horizon

Her long silken hair

Bounced in rhythm

With her sure steps

As the distance melted

I lost focus and fumbled

But I discovered the reason

Entirely on my own

The secret that Mona Lisa’s smile holds

The moment froze…

I failed to notice

How many people

Like ghosts

Crossed the space between us

Without breaking my thought

Without breaking her thought

And.. in the meanwhile

The moment passed…

I kept walking

She kept walking

Till we passed each other

And passed the moment…

We stumbled back to our course

And carried on

Where were going along

Our own paths

Staying on our course

Humming our own my own tune

With me

Thinking,

Thinking of you

Today,

Today also, like yesterday

Like the last week, month or the year

I don’t

No, I don’t remember living a moment

Without you

Without the moments spent with you

I don’t ever,

Ever remember being

Being deprived of your memories

Thoughts or dreams

You are,

You surely are always with me

But only,

The only thought that pricks me

Whether ‘me’ too is with you…

Like you are,

You are with me right now.

Words fail me

I sat down to write…

As her memories

And my anxieties

Had started choking me

I placed on the desk a blank sheet of paper

Picked the pen up and guided it over

Even before I could write a word

My heart jumped out and sat on the paper

But now I was thinking hard

About the words

That will replace my heart

Will express my feelings

Which my heart was screaming

What my life was missing

How I suffered suffocation, irritation,

Worries difficulties botherations

Now it was hurting as my neck remained craned

Words didn’t emerge in my non-functional brain

In despair, I placed the pen in the slot

And shut the inkpot

My eyes were welling up

And tears were rolling down

Traveling my cheeks

And jumping off in the end

Finding the blank paper to land

Forming an unshapely figure

Soon these figures filled entire paper

With a language that couldn’t be read

But my feelings?

My feeling were perfectly expressed

Tears had said it all

All that I couldn’t recall

Alas! Sadly

My words had failed me.

Not me..

I know.. I lost you eons ago

Or we lost each other

We took our own paths

No, in fact it was me.. just me

Who decided to go alone

On my own

It was because.. I had a path

I just left

And vanished without even looking back

I left as though I was dried up

Of emotions, sentiments, friendship

True, there were no promises to keep

No dates to seek

But still, just walking out

Without leaving any message

Address or a phone number

It must have been

So shocking for you

So unbelievable even to think

That I could do that

I could ‘be’ that

But I hope you believed it soon enough

That.. that was ‘not‘ me

It just couldn’t be me

It would be best for me

Not to be ‘me’

For you

Couldn’t hear you

A little scared, unconfident and unsure

I managed to say,

‘I love you’

You turned away with nothing to say

Making me much more

Scared, unconfident and unsure

Just when I was confident

You bit the corner of your nail

It felt like beginning of a tale

Then you looked at me shyly

And said something rather softly

But confidently…

Till date I curse my heart

For beating so hard

That I couldn’t hear you at all.

I mean…

No I am not in touch with her

I mean regularly, no

Pensive? Who me? Huh

Well, I don’t tell lies

I do think about her

Sometimes, often

I mean on and off

Like when I am not busy in my work

Or not blogging,

Except may be right now

No, not all the time

Are you crazy or something?

Well she is on my mind

When there is nothing else

On my mind, I mean

You know, what I mean.. I hope

That is ridiculous

How can you say that

I am in love!

With her.. I mean

Just because she is on my mind

Don’t confuse things here, ok

Moreover even if I do love her

It is not what you think

I hope you know,

What I mean

Where were you?

Where were you for so long?

Why weren’t you here

With me

I have been so disturbed

Hurt and depressed

I needed you so bad

Needed you to hold my hand

Hold my face

Look in my eyes

Kiss my forehead

Move your fingers in my hair

I needed your shoulder

To rest my head on

Bury my face between your breasts

Yes, I know

In reality

This is just my imagination

But you could at least let me know…

That you are there.. Somewhere

Without You

I can’t say I have problems

Or complains with my life

Even though you are not with me

But yes,

Living surely is not as lively

Since you are not with me…

Remember?

When we walked

We just walked

We walked out

With nowhere to go

Nothing to do

Nowhere to reach

Soon we walked back in

We were each other’s destination

Complete, within each other

Now I need to stop often

Looking for a shoulder

To rest a while

To sob on

Or to, just be

As you did on mine

Remember?

Corners of my eyes

Need to be soaked dry

With a palm

Like I did for you

If you remember

Certainly, life still has its own joys

I do find reasons to smile

But I don’t smile for no reason

Since you are not with me

Two Graves

I still remember the question

A question,

Crucial to me

My life depended upon

Your answer to that question

But you turned away

And kept playing with your long hair

Kept looking at your toes…

So,

I waited

For the answer

As my life to flowed

I waited some more

Waited for you to turn towards me

For you to stop biting your nails

Playing with your hair,

I waited for you to stop staring at your toes

And look at me

I desperately waited for your lips to part

And say something…

This eternal wait

Has been, years long

I lived an entire life

In a flash

And still it did not happen

That you would turn towards me

Stop biting your nails

And stop staring at your toes

Now I am not the same

I don’t remember myself

Perhaps this is my new birth

Cycle of life has gone by waiting

For that quiver of your lips

To utter the answer…

Far away under that tree

Covered with a layer of flowers

There seem to be two shadows

Lying quietly side by side

If you notice closely

They are two graves

One, of my question

Another… of your answer

Life Boat

when i am sailing alone
life is drab struggle for survival

if you look at me from the shore
perhaps i can row with some hope

if you join me on my boat
I may need nothing more

if you smiled sitting opposite at me
it’ll become a flight of fantasy

with your hand on my tired shoulders
life will turn into a space without border

but if you pick up the sail and row with me…

umm, sorry; writer’s block
can’t imagine that far!