finding real ‘me’

i realized
i like talking to emptiness…
we have intelligent conversation
one to one
i can say what i want
in that emptiness no one challenges me
wrong me
criticize or correct me
expand on me
shorten me
no one can even appreciate me
like or love,
hate or insult me
that emptiness
just lets me be me
and that ‘me’ is real me

Wait for Bliss

Somewhere in the distance, far away

When the day reaches its zenith

And the evening arrives quietly

Like a shy hesitant bride

Lighting lamps of my memories

When memories make my breath heavy

And well my eyes up for no visible reason

The love reaches out to soothe the tension

I know it’s you who touched me

Dusky bride facing me

Some hearts remain distant forever

And some for eternity, belong together

My own mind becomes my enemy

When it offers to suffer

Even your pains inside me

When I find myself in such complexities

I light a lamp of your memories

In my heart I know

My heart’s deepest secrets

Secrets to my everlasting dreams

I exist due to those sun-gold dreams

If only a shadow of my dream escaped

My heart might feel dead to its beats

When the day ends

And sun takes the light away

Along with reason for dreamy shadows

The evening turns into a bride

Covered in a dark cloak

And arrives by my side

Quietly

Without You

I can’t say I have problems

Or complains with my life

Even though you are not with me

But yes,

Living surely is not as lively

Since you are not with me…

Remember?

When we walked

We just walked

We walked out

With nowhere to go

Nothing to do

Nowhere to reach

Soon we walked back in

We were each other’s destination

Complete, within each other

Now I need to stop often

Looking for a shoulder

To rest a while

To sob on

Or to, just be

As you did on mine

Remember?

Corners of my eyes

Need to be soaked dry

With a palm

Like I did for you

If you remember

Certainly, life still has its own joys

I do find reasons to smile

But I don’t smile for no reason

Since you are not with me

Imaginary Us

I finished my arguments silently

She had heard me patiently

Looked hard at my face

Lowered her eyes and slowly… turned away

She walked a few steps towards the setting sun

Sun was red in the face

Was it angry red?

Or hopeless red

She stopped after a few steps

Sun sank a little lower

Her lengthening shadow had crawled towards me

Then it waited

Soon sun lowered even more

Her shadow was at my feet now

Gradually it started climbing on me

That made me uneasy

I turned away from it

I saw my own shadow going away from me

Her shadow was missing here

It was on me, on myself

That froze me

Soon shadows started getting weak

Thankfully

I turned back and saw red rim of sun

I turned again towards my shadow

I saw it dissolving into the darkness

I waited till it was no more

My body also had no shadow

I looked to find rim of the sun

But couldn’t…

Shockingly

The space between me and the sun

… Was blank

Me only

I am here at the rendezvous

We planned that day

To meet

It has been ages

I waited

At the rendezvous

No, I am not complaining

I’m just stating or may be

Putting on record

That I did reach there

Where we both had to be together

Sine Wave Life

This life

This life of mine

That is seen on my face

In my actions

Or flowing through my words

The life that I am knitting with my fingers

Manipulating with my thoughts

Sometimes life is a pointer of my ego

Soon it is as frail as my little finger

Sometime I force people on a path

Soon enough I am hopelessly helpless

Sine wave of mine

Is life of mine

My life is non-stop heart beats

Unceasing flow of blood

Relentless pumping of air

And forever alert brain

I cannot own everything

I can’t always be at my creative best

I can’t always be good

Or even good enough

My sky ends at the edge of my site

My possessions end with the length of my arms

Or strength of my hands

I am only safe till I can run

And beat the other in the game

But in life

The sky does not end at the end of my site

The world does not end at end of my arms

Mine does

My life ends with me

You And Me

Path of life is tiled

With Sorrows and smiles

And is used by everyone

Going about their life

If you lose your steam to bad times

How will you get to your finish line?

Whatever comes our way

Good or bad heaped on a tray

We have to share it any way

Turn and look into my eyes

Please just once, try to try

I swear by your love

Your problems are my trouble

Do not look like a lost soul

Tell me what your heart holds

If you sob and my shoulders are dry

On whose shoulders then, will you cry?

Tell me how can I assure you?

You and me is same as me and you

You are incomplete without me

(And) I am nothing without you

Don’t leave me

Is it okay to ask,

Don’t leave me again

You see I am not even with you

You do whatever you want to do

I am not intruding into your space

Or taking your time 

Demanding your attention

Respect or love of any kind

In and around your world

I do not physically figure

You know I am not there

And I know you are not here

I can’t even see, what you are doing

Who is with you or to whom are you talking

Having coffee, watching movies

At night sharing stories of your day

Or during days telling tales of your nights

I am not snooping on your mails or phone

I am just not stopping your fun

But I need you with me

Whichever way you can

So it is not difficult for you

To ‘never leave me again’

Expensive Lesson

It takes long to fall in love

These days

Love at first site

Is a phenomenon of distant past

It doesn’t happen anymore

Now it takes many years of just, 

Meeting, talking

Having endless cups of coffee

Doing things

Like lending books

And then going back 

To get them back

Going for movies

Letting her choose the seat

Being nice to her,

Her family, friends… dog

Wanting to know more and more about them all…

After you have known a lot about her

No, no don’t take it that way

That is not exactly

Knowing about her

How do you know if you really do love her

This question needs a true answer

But you may come to know how much you loved her… 

Only when you lose each other

Two Graves

I still remember the question

A question,

Crucial to my life

My life depended upon

Your answer to that question

But you had turned away

From me

And kept playing with end of your hair

Kept looking at your toes…

So,

I waited

For your answer

For my life to flow…

I waited some more

I waited for you to turn towards me

Waited for you to stop biting your nails

Playing with your hair,

I waited for you to stop staring at your toes

And look at me

I desperately waited for your lips to part

And say something…

This eternal wait

Has been, years long

I lived an entire life

With you

In a flash dream

But it could not be

That you turned towards me

Stopped biting your nails

Stopped staring at your toes

Years went by

Waiting for your lips to quiver

And let me know the answer…

Far away under that tree

Covered with a layer of flowers

There seem to be two shadows

Lying side by side


If you notice closely

They are two graves

One, of my question

Another… of your answer