It was 4am and Gautam had woken up with a strange feeling – a feeling of control. The feeling of control strangely came from the feeling of ‘let go’. During the last few moments in bed, he had let everything ‘go’ mentally. It happened just a few moments ago. He lost interest or rather did not feel interested in controlling anything or anyone. He suddenly felt light as a feather because he had decided to ‘not’ hold reigns of any situation. He was enjoying this new feeling of lightness. It amused him. He might even be having a smile on his face. No, he did not regret that he did not learn it earlier. Everything and everyone has an assigned time and duration to enter the stage to perform an act and exit, exactly after it is over.
Gautam has been underperforming in his family scenario. He was either not interested to act, not expected to or not allowed to act as the decision taker in his family, of which he was the head. He was eldest; but over a long period of time he had allowed the leadership to slip from his hand. It may even have been taken away from him, which too he didn’t care, too much about. Whenever any family discussions took place, he occupied his favorite back seat; that is if he was in that room at all.
But what happened all of a sudden? Gautam just woke up and instead of feeling drowsy, he found himself so comfortably awake. He went to the kitchen, made tea, lit a few lamps and sat down with his palm leaf, peacock feather and the inkpot to write.
He has made up his mind or his mind itself got into this new phase, ‘today when the sun rises; it will show Gautam in a different light’. He was feeling completely renewed. New, lightness, new energy, new thoughts. And new power of control. Now he is not afraid that he might lose. He is not confidant that he will win. All he believes in is that all will be well. Regrets from the past don’t bother him nor do any hopes from the future. He just thinks it’s all right. It’s all fine. He was ready to be a part the natural flow of the universe without altering or correcting it. He felt immensely powerful to ‘be with what is’.