Quiet Conversations

I really think I have seen you earlier

I just don’t know when and where

You seem to be a stranger

But not unknown

You may be a delicate doubt

More believable

Than beliefs of my own

When I saw you today

A memory flashed

A dark moonless rainy night

Meeting of our eyes

Lighting up my world bright

Your passionate calm face

Flowing dark silken hair

Rain drenched clothes

Enhancing your contours

My verses could never contain

Unabashed beauty of yours

Your passionate face froze my mind

And cold rain lit up a fire inside

I remember those lips shivering with passion

And hearts beating in a quiet conversation

Life Dream

Life is but a dream,
I knew that, yet
I loved life immensely
Problems, failures, frustrations
So many complaints…
A complaint was about to leave my lips
But it stopped
Where will it go
Who will give it a hearing
It was futile to ‘say’ it…
I started on my journey
I kept going, kept going, going
I never wanted stop
I never stopped
My love,
Finally, one day
We had to go
Our own separate ways
Good bye my dear
Good bye, good bye…

Road Rage and Gautam

It was surprising. A person like Gautam involved in a road rage! He has been known to be very cool and calm. Perhaps times have changed just too much for anyone to be his normal self 😦 you see wisdom of words do not help anyone whose nature is unchangeable… once upon a time there was a saint who lived on the banks of ganga near Haridwar. He was very kind hearted and compassionate being. One morning when he was praying in Ganga water he saw a scorpion being washed away by swift waves. He felt scorpion’s pain and decided to save it. So, he put his hands under the creature and picked up the scorpion with the water. He brought it to safe dry shore and gradually put it down. But sadly as he did so he was stung by the scorpion. It was very painful. Saint fainted. Other sadhus came to his help and asked him about how he got stung. After he narrated the incidence a senior sadhu smiled at him. A few days later similar incidence re-occurred and he again got stung. This time the senior sadhu told him, ‘ I know that you are very compassionate, but it is also important to understand the nature various living beings. It is in nature of scorpion to sting if it feels threatened. A scorpion has no concept of compassion or knowing that is being saved. It may not even realize that it was about to die! So do not waste your good heart in saving such creatures. Gautam understood it and installed it in his mind for all such situations…

Gautam was driving to work on an over-crowded road. Although the roads were very wide; the cars were nearly touching each other side ways or bumper to bumper. The traffic moved a few meters only occasionally. There was a cacophony of horns. People cursed under their breath, sometime even openly if cars did not move quickly enough. Gautam got few meters space in front of his car and decided he will move when traffic will actually start moving. But the car behind him started gunning, revving and honking. Some young boys rolled the windows down and asked him to move. Gautam indicated he can see the space but there was no way after that. So they should chill. They could not take it that an old man had not yielded to their demand. One of the four young ones came out. Gautam did not have AC on, so his windows were open and car engine was shut. Gautam said, I don’t mind moving ahead, but what is after that. I will start and shut the engine just for two meters? So relax when it moves we will all move. The boy looked back to his friends and indicated that this person has to be told in another language. He opened Gautam’s car door and asked him to come out. Gautam was fine with it. Other three boys also came out of that car and surrounded Gautam. “what is your problem? Why are you not moving? If you don’t move we will force you. You don’t know us. My uncle is MLA. My friend’s father is a police officer. His father owns a mall and…” Gautam said, “ok ok your uncle, your friend’s father and your father has a mall… but why don’t you tell me who you are and what you do? I will tell you that I am only an ordinary chap. I have this non-ac car and wanted to save fuel by not restarting the car when…” Before he could express himself completely, a blow landed on his temple! The boy in front caught Gautam’s shirt and shook it. Someone else slapped him and they generally started manhandling him. Gautam had fallen on the road and was being kicked by all four… one boy came close his face and picked him up by his collar. Gautam stood up with bleeding lips, bruises on his face and torn shirt. One boy went to his car pulled out a stick and shattered Gautam’s wind screen. Gautam thought, maybe it will give him better breeze in this northern heat. 

When the strongest one held Gautam’s throat and repeated himself, “move your car now” was the first time Gautam’s hand moved, but totally imperceptibly. No one noticed the movement at all. The firm and threatening voice of the boy seemed to have lost. His face looked confused. He was trying look at his friends and say something. But they did not notice it until the boy started slumping down. They left Gautam and held their friend to help him. Someone said he has poisoned him. And he moved to get the gun from the car. They all started moving back to get their own gadgets. In a few moments they were back. The traffic has started moving by now. Gautam had lifted the injured boy to put him in his car for medical treatment. As he opened the door to place him in, a barrel touched his neck. He circled the boy being carried and hit others with his feet. Other two boys were pushed away and banged on a moving tempo. A hit from the tempo had blown the nose of the boy. He sat down instantly. A car reached close to him asked him to move away, “hey you are blocking the road! Move fast.” Only when the car touched him he realized he must move before he gets run over. He staggered to the side. Two other had a knife each. One of them was a Swiss knife and its blade shone in the hot sun light. Gautam said, “see, i want to take your friend to the doctor, so back off.” But they did not listen and simultaneously they did not notice that a sharp blade had passed through the chest of the boy in front. The boy behind noticed the blade peeping out from the other side of his friend. Before he could take a step forward, the blade grew and entered his chest too. Blade had punctured spines of both and their bodies lay like vegetables, disconnected to their brains. Gautam stepped back. The knife that punctured them was not to be seen anywhere. He glanced at the unconscious boy at the back seat, sat in and drove off.

With Me

Thinking,

Thinking of you

Today,

Today also, like yesterday

Like the last week, month or the year

I don’t

No, I don’t remember living a moment

Without you

Without the moments spent with you

I don’t ever

Ever remember being

Being deprived of your memories

Thoughts or dreams

You are,

You surely are always with me

But only,

The only thought that pricks me

Whether ‘me’ too is with you…

Like you are,

You are with me right now.

What’s Life about…

Life is not about happy ending

It’s not even about ending

Or, a beginning

In fact it is a cycle

Of endless beginnings and ends

Beginnings and ends are like

Stops or stations

Where one can

Take a breather or rest

Delay the next leg of the journey

Leave the regular tracks

And visit higher planes

Attain a finer form

By staying formless

Take a nirvana…

Then at some point of time

If you think you need to change the way the world is

Please sow the seeds of ‘work do be done’

In your soul and fine memory

And return to earth

With all that awareness and memory in your soul

Life, perhaps is about awareness

And about actions, performed with awareness

Theoretical Changes

If you think…

Things are not the way you think they should have been

Start afresh

Go back in the past

To find out where things might have gone awry

Find out that particular bad point

To make changes

And start afresh

Start right from there and see what can be changed and where

That is, to yield better results, later on, in life

Life, which you have already lived until today

Obviously it is a theoretical exercise

Not a science fiction, like “Back to the future”

Or “Forward to the past”

When you mentally note a point to make changes in the past

Its effect in the future of the past, must be calculated at every step

Accurately

One little change will change the next moment

Effect of that change will affect all approaching moments

Days, weeks, years

Status, relationships, friends, enemies

Just that one little theoretical change on paper…

Would make you entirely a different person

Someone completely unknown to you

Theoretically.

Science Fiction

Story Of A Lost Story

Many years back I had written a short story called, ‘Reason to smile’. I did not blog that time. So it was lying there in my computer’s D-drive. I felt the story had turned out pretty nice. Unable to contain my excitement, I mailed it to some friends. I expected some will surely write back with a few encouraging words. I received none. Obviously for all practical purposes story was much different. As bad luck arrived in the form of a strong virus; my hard disk had to be junked and I had to get a new one. I had already told the repair man the data was of utmost importance to me. So please somehow retrieve all my data to the new disk. I didn’t have much ‘text’ data but surely a lot of photographs were there. They were very important and had a lot of value, as well as cost! Well, because back then I used to shoot pictures on 35mm film. They had to be developed and printed. And whatever pictures were on the computer were scanned at a nearby cyber café. So you can see, cost of negative, cost of developing, cost of printing and then cost of scanning. Sounds like a scam today. So I was saying that the pictures on the HDD were actually expensive and if he did not manage to put them on the new disk, I will have to get them scanned all over again…

In 2004 December I started blogging. My first blog post was on a site called as ‘blogcity’ and my first post was about the death of my close friend’s father. It had 5 sentences exactly. I was quite happy that I had started blogging and my first post had a real serious topic. Soon, I got a chance to show it to Pradeep, the friend of mine. He was so excited! He read it twice and then called his wife and said ‘look, everything it written here!’

But this story in question was 7 pages long and it could not be found in the new HDD. That was a bit too much to take. Around the same time my brother visited us. I told him about my loss. He said show me, I will try to find it. He knew something about retrieving lost data from the disks. Cyber forensics, I think that’s what they call it. Well, he did find a lot of other random stuff, which I didn’t even know was missing, but for my ‘Reason to smile’. There was no way that I will be able to write the entire story all over again. I knew the plot and the scenes by heart; but I had no patience, nor inclination, not even will, to rewrite it.

Enlightenment! I realized I should check my mail ‘sent box’. It has to be there. I had sent it to at least 4-5 people. So, it will take some time to go back and more back to find the right mail, but it will be surely there. And then I will download it back on my folder and then upload it on the blog. Well dreaming too much of good things is not good for the good fortune. I signed in, clicked on the ‘sent items’ and went directly to last section. It wasn’t there. I came forward, nothing, one more step, still nothing… ooops I realized it was so utterly stupid to do that, because, I did not have ‘gmail’ then. My first email account was with ‘yahoo’ that had been shut long ago, also due to too many viruses entering my system; thanks to mail spams and bad spam filters. Oh my god. This is certainly the dead end.

Somehow I was refusing to let go of the two fold problem.  One I kept brooding that I couldn’t find it and second I was in no mental state to rewrite it; barring of course if someone put a gun to my ear. Yes it was that bad. During my weeks of worries I had another minor enlightenment and that was I knew to who I must have sent the story. Promptly, I wrote to few friends requesting them to please check their past mails and see if anyone could trace my ‘Reason to smile’ and if they did find it then kindly mail it back to me. Phew and I left it to non-existent, almighty. Now I had no more options to explore. This truly was the last one and if this does not work then it is the dead end… I don’t know after how long, but one of them sent my story back to me. I read it once and then once again. I felt there is something not the same… finally it dawned on me that it was written so badly that in present moment I could not find it as exciting as I did earlier. Few days back finally I decided to rewrite, ‘Reason to smile’.

3 Poems

1 – “Guest Song”

familiar and refreshing

yet unheard song

has sneaked into

my mental space

and started playing around

by hopping on

black and white keys

creating new tunes

day and night

sometimes even relaxing on a string

that i know, has been too tight..

2 – “Perfect Good Morning”

in the morning when you open your eyes

cover your face with your signature smile

you throw your blanket off without hesitation

and are charged with energy’s manifestation

when you hear the day’s first word

a friend’s hello or tweet of a bird

your belly happy with king’s breakfast

your chest ready to face day’s task

you step out into the open confidently

to resolve life’s endless possibilitiesthat my friend, is a ‘good morning’

have one right now this morning 🙂

3 – …The Moment

i was going along

my own way

minding my own steps

humming my own tune

smiling at smiles

avoiding voids

when i saw…

she did not smile

react, or notice

her blank eyes

vaguely on a distant horizon

her long silk hair 

bouncing in rhythm

with her sure steps

as the distance melted

i fumbled and missed a step

causing Mona Lisa to smile 

the moment froze…

i failed to notice

how many people

crossed the space between us

like shadows 

i kept walking

she kept walking

till we passed… each other

and the moment

we were going along

our own ways minding…

Abort The Blog

Hello.

Hmm…

Do you know blogging?

Of course I know, what’s a blog.

Do you feel like starting your own blog?

Mmm… no, I don’t think so. I am not good with comps.

I see. But I feel because everyone’s days are so interesting and if they can be written down well and authentically, it will be appreciated.

I see. But really I can’t imagine myself sitting on a computer, typing, saving, uploading and all that stuff. No way I could do it well even in a year, especially with number of hours I can spare in a day. It’s too complicated for me at this age.

Fair enough. But I still feel that events of an interesting day uploaded on the internet could be of good value. Look at Amitabh Bachchan’s blog. All he does is to write down what he did in a day; who all he met, which shootings he did, who said what etc. I agree he is Amitabh and everything about him would be super interesting; but still, all he is doing is writing it down in an open diary, that is his blog, which is being lapped up.

So what are you trying to say?

I am saying that I could do the technical part for you. But what you have to do is to write down your ‘day’ in detail, in sequence, on a paper, take a photo and send it to me.

Oh! I am sure even that is not going to be easy for me.

Are you interested in making some money? Your blog could be a source of that.

No, money doesn’t interest me that much.

I see. In that case let’s drop this project. Fictitious project I could say.

Yes, abort the mission. Bye.

Bye.

Author – Blame Game

Gautam entered the Irani restaurant at his usual time. Two waiters greeted him. He took his usual table. It had a green table cloth with muddy patches of various shapes and colors. He looked in the direction of the kitchen. The waiter approached him smilingly, “sir can you take the table by the wall today?”

“Why what is wrong in this? It is empty.”

“Any minute delivery boys will be piling up whole lot of packets on this.”

“Oh okay, not a problem.”

Gautam looked critically at the other table before sitting. He checked the chairs. Then tried to look outside from there and frowned. Dragged a chair out and sat down. Opened his laptop, touched the keyboard with both hands and touched his forehead. Laptop made some musical sounds as though acknowledging his respects.

“Keep the water far away. Its contents can endanger life of ‘my life’. I mean this machine.”

“Yes sure sir.”

“And I want to be left alone, nothing right now. I will ask for it.”

He touched a few keys on the computer and appeared pleased with what appeared on screen. He looked up towards the kitchen and found the waiter, pointed his index finger up. Waiter approached him.

“Tea, but I prefer it hot; not warm.”

Waited left and in a moment returned with a small glass of cutting chai.

Gautam asked him, “how many days fresh are those samosas?”

Waiter blushed.

“If they are not more than two days old, I think I can afford to eat just one without falling sick. Also get two green chilies and, and don’t forget your yellow tomato ketchup.”

Waiter moved with a nod and a fishy smile.

“Oh but wait. Get me today’s newspaper. Why is this fan making so much noise? Put some hot samosa oil in it from your kitchen. Oh wait, wait why so much hurry? Do you recognize my cycle? It’s outside on right side. Keep an eye on it, in between…”

Manager shouted, waited left.

With this fan production factory noise on my head, how can I add tenderness of romance to my romantic scene in the love story?

Young couple in Gautam’s story had planned to see a flop film. The idea was, with very few people in the theater they could themselves get; well, romantic… But suddenly the boy stopped at a pavement tea vendor flocked by auto and taxi drivers. He asked for two cutting chai. Holding the slippery glass in her hand, the girl moved away from those noisy men and… him. Gautam blamed the lack of good ideas to the noisy fan.