Gem Hunter

Let me look into your eyes

I want live the comfort of drowning once again

In that deep blue ocean

Or is it blue deep, ocean

Your flickering eye-lids

Getting confused

Finding my eyes so close

Inches away from them

My hungry eyes diving into yours

Trying to find gems

I need those valuable gems

Transparent gems of promises

Blue gems of love

Yellow gems of forever friendship

Maroon ones for passion

But my eyes got lost

In the maze of your confused eyes

In that ocean

Many burning objects crisscrossed

Confusing me

What were those things?

They did not allow me in

Keeping me in the shallow

Never letting me search deep in

Beyond that firewall

I couldn’t find any promise

Or passion

Even friendship

Alas there was no love to be found

I am not a gem hunter

I am hungry for them

I need your eyes to say something

Give me a faint hint

A little hope if they could

Something like, “try next time

Or, of course it is possible,

I can’t say it right now”

I feed on such flimsy lies

For the hunger of my heart

For the sake of my survival

For the sake of my sanity

19 June, 2013

Great White Fog

He saw himself in a world that had no depth, no height, no left or right. Everything seemed dimensionless all around. He decided he was dreaming. Obviously where had all his things gone? His room, his house, his table, books… his entire world! Where was it? Whole world now was full of white fog. Or perhaps consisted of it. A uniform fog. He had seen it on hill stations.

He decided he must be dreaming. But he couldn’t be sure, obviously. So to check the theory he raised his hand in front of his face. It was there. He counted fingers one, two, three. He twiddled his thumb. It seemed fine to him. But why was he seeing this white fog all around him? He himself was kind of enveloped in that fog. Everything had vanished, from his vision. All those things that he used in his everyday life, including his cell phone! He couldn’t see it anywhere in his room! He tried to concentrate. But he knew it wasn’t possible. He suddenly heard a voice, “your tea is on the table.” He realized he knew the voice. Yes, this was Meena, his wife. But where was she? With the sound of her voice he noticed that, that was the only sound he heard. Where were all the other sounds! What about the street? The traffic? Birds? Where are they? He tried to figure where was he? Was he in his house, in the middle of a bustling locality, or on a mountain? Everything was white, a fluid white.

He knew it was drastically unreal to lose entire range of ambiant sounds! Next theory emerged that he must have lost his hearing. Or worse his mental balance. But no, he just heard, “your tea is on the table.” He felt a little disturbance in the fog. Something moved towards right. It seemed like a human figure, perhaps. Obviously he wasn’t sure. “Hello”, he asked, “who is there?” “Can you hear me?”

“Are you still asleep? Your tea must have become cold. I am getting out for some vegetables. Open the door for the maid. Ok? Can you say yes or no?”

He heard himself saying “yes, yes.”

Door bell was the next sound he heard. There was an instant reaction to get up and open the door… Slowly the sounds started fading in. All of them. The traffic, the birds. He sat up, took a sip of water from the bottle and walked off like a zombie to open the door.

21 Oct, 2014

Kabir simple

Mud tells the potter, today you handle me your way

Soon a time will come, I will handle you my way

Everyone prays in bad times but none does in good times

If you pray in good times too, there wouldn’t be any bad times

If people found god in the stones, I would pray to mountains

It is better to pray to the grinding stones that grinds the grains

Nights went sleeping, days spent eating

A diamond like life, is spent like a dime clinking

There is no use of success, that is like a palm tree

That gives no shade to rest and fruits are out of reach

If someone sows thorns for you, sow flowers for him

Your flowers will be with you, his thorns will get him

4 June, 2013

Gautam again

After quite long, Gautam had gone to the garden for  a walk. He has been keeping busy with some or the other job. Also it had been raining. So regular walks have been pretty irregular. No it was not a relaxation, spiritual or look at the flowers walk, but ‘work-out’ one. He needed to exercise. Monsoon always makes him a bit flabby. It was natural. What can anyone do if it is raining. He possibly can’t get wet every now and then, just because he needs to go out.

He listened to the musical composition provided by melodies of various birds with support of rustling tree leafs. A soft wave of breeze found him and wrapped around him. The trees shed a layer of yellow leaves. Many of them fell on Gautam. He felt indebted and honored, as he thanked both the tree and the breeze for this beautiful gesture.

He turned a few pages back of his life. How his inner self felt a few month back; not going as far back as even a year. He was satisfied with the changes he noted. He noticed it even more when he realized that he did not get excited when he found things are getting better inside him.

He was becoming more centered.

Unexcitable.

With no visible happiness.

Only quietness.

9 Sep, 2014

Gautam and the Driver

The other day Gautam heard the story of someone taking a long walk in suburban Mumbai. He came to know how upset that poor guy was watching the condition of the pavements under his feet. It seemed to him that authorities have absolutely no empathy for the plight of the citizens, especially senior citizens. They are so vulnerable to trip and fall, hurting themselves seriously. And any fracture in that ripe age can ultimately result in his or her death…

Yesterday Gautam was coming home in an auto rickshaw. It was drizzling. He was thinking about that guy walker. Same sight was playing in front of him right now. People walking hurriedly holding their plastic bags in one hand and the umbrellas in the other but their eyes were focused on the ground. No one dared to look up straight and walk. They all had to be alert to all kinds of bumps, ups and downs, broken tiles etc on the surface right under their feet. The traffic signal had turned red at the last minute. There was going to be a fairly long wait now. Gautam decided to strike a conversation with the rickshaw driver. He does it often. In the bargain he often ends up getting enriched by experiences. So today too, internally a little playfully, but serious outwardly Gautam dragged the driver into a shockingly unlikely topic;

Gautam: If I should leave Mumbai, then where should I go? You have some place in mind?

It took quite a few seconds for the driver to register this strange topic. It certainly was very surprising for a passenger to talk about such deep personal problem to him. People mostly ask them about maps and routes or talk about driver’s village, their land, family etc. But this guy wasn’t a regular one.

Gautam continued: the roads and footpaths are so horrible here. I really feel that we are being given a raw deal by the authorities.

Driver: go to your village.

Gautam: I don’t have a village or a native place. My parents are no more and any ways they had sold everything. So, I have nowhere to go.

Driver: (looking away) go live with your children then.

Gautam: my children are here only.

Driver: then Mumbai only is fine. It is a good place.

Gautam: but look at the city.

Driver: sir, like that every place will have some or the other problem. You can’t keep running away from problems. The best city according to you will also have problems, may be of a different kind. But problems surely will be there.

Gautam: we are being treated like animals here. Can anyone think that our good money has been spent on making such horrible roads and footpaths?

Driver: (with surrender and finality in his tone) sir, as long as we live, problems will live with us. No one can run away from them.

Light turned green. He put the rickshaw in first gear and moved ahead with traffic. Gautam had earned his points.

(24 June 2013)

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